I wanna two piss onn-a my plate!!

I am an Italiano. One day im-a gonna L.A. to bigg-a hotel. In-a morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tell-a waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tell-a her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onn-a my plate. She say you better no piss onn-a plate, you son of a bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me son of a bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigg-a restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tell-a her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell-a her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you son of a bitch.

So I go back to my room in-a hotel and there is no shits onn-a my bed. I call-a the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wann-a shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onn-a bed, you son of a bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you son of a bitch, I gonna back to Italy!